[He keeps trying to put distance between himself and others, and that distance keeps trying to close itself. He swears Red off, and Red comes reappearing into his life. He disappears into the woods, only to be drawn back out again by kindnesses. Guzma terrifies him, and then miraculously calls to apologize. And Killua...]
[Blue's resolve crumbles as Killua earnestly pleads- no, not pleading, but earnestly preferring his presence. Wanting him to be there. It was the same as the first night with Gon, except more desperate, somehow. Blue anger hadn't been quite so directed.]
[Even now it isn't like Blue can help noticing how carefully Killua speaks. Maybe it's better that he isn't begging him to stay. There's something Blue feels from that, something unfamiliar that he yearns for nonetheless. It's respect, he realizes with a well of self-disgust and discomfort. Respect for Blue's wishes- for his feelings. Killua was unselfish, even now. He winces.]
[These are dangerous and highly coveted sensations for Blue, and he even recognizes them as he feels himself falling weak to it in a way he can only blame on himself. Being wanted. Being respected. His jaw sets, and finally his gaze drops to the floor in front of his feet, and he sees the damage he's done. As if this night couldn't get worse...]
[For a long moment, he's quiet, like he's reluctant, or contemplating, but eventually he takes a step back- like he's going to leave.]
[Then he directs a look back over his shoulder.]
Let's... take a walk?
[Talking about it in here is just going to cause a lot of commotion, he thinks, and he wants them to be able to speak freely- together, not at each other.]
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2019-07-24 03:12 am (UTC)[Blue's resolve crumbles as Killua earnestly pleads- no, not pleading, but earnestly preferring his presence. Wanting him to be there. It was the same as the first night with Gon, except more desperate, somehow. Blue anger hadn't been quite so directed.]
[Even now it isn't like Blue can help noticing how carefully Killua speaks. Maybe it's better that he isn't begging him to stay. There's something Blue feels from that, something unfamiliar that he yearns for nonetheless. It's respect, he realizes with a well of self-disgust and discomfort. Respect for Blue's wishes- for his feelings. Killua was unselfish, even now. He winces.]
[These are dangerous and highly coveted sensations for Blue, and he even recognizes them as he feels himself falling weak to it in a way he can only blame on himself. Being wanted. Being respected. His jaw sets, and finally his gaze drops to the floor in front of his feet, and he sees the damage he's done. As if this night couldn't get worse...]
[For a long moment, he's quiet, like he's reluctant, or contemplating, but eventually he takes a step back- like he's going to leave.]
[Then he directs a look back over his shoulder.]
Let's... take a walk?
[Talking about it in here is just going to cause a lot of commotion, he thinks, and he wants them to be able to speak freely- together, not at each other.]