[it's a hard question. Killua feels seized by a test that he doesn't know the answer for. no matter what he does, no matter what he says—it feels wrong. he feels trapped, helpless to watch Blue leave.]
—Do I...get to decide something like that?
[his breath, and voice—both are tight.]
I don't—I don't want you to go.
[Killua feels tears well, clinging to the bottoms of his lashes. how exhausting. the second time this night. couldn't this just be easy? was he just destined to mis step with the people he loved? Gon, Alluka, Blue... was this normal? was it just him?? how exhausting, crying over two different friends in one night. he wishes he were stronger, smarter.]
...I can't...tell you what to do, b-but—
[his voice cracks a little. it had paid off, with Gon. if he's about to go anyway, then who cares, right? what does Killua have to lose?]
...I didn't mean to...hurt you. If you—[a shuddering inhale.]—if you wanna go, I can't...
[Killua's eyes fall, a lost sight in the darkness, his lip wobbling.]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2019-07-24 02:46 am (UTC)—Do I...get to decide something like that?
[his breath, and voice—both are tight.]
I don't—I don't want you to go.
[Killua feels tears well, clinging to the bottoms of his lashes. how exhausting. the second time this night. couldn't this just be easy? was he just destined to mis step with the people he loved? Gon, Alluka, Blue... was this normal? was it just him?? how exhausting, crying over two different friends in one night. he wishes he were stronger, smarter.]
...I can't...tell you what to do, b-but—
[his voice cracks a little. it had paid off, with Gon. if he's about to go anyway, then who cares, right? what does Killua have to lose?]
...I didn't mean to...hurt you. If you—[a shuddering inhale.]—if you wanna go, I can't...
[Killua's eyes fall, a lost sight in the darkness, his lip wobbling.]
I can't stop you, Blue... But I am sorry.