I’m not lying! [He grouches, wounded, though he’s more wounded because his obvious excuse wasn’t allowed to rock. Why you gotta make him feel things, you stupid jerk?] Of course it is. Sis taught me.
[Daisy, who he misses terribly. Just about the only person who ever cared about him... Maybe he knows how to take care of himself, but without anyone he’s convinced actually cares about him around to nag him into doing so, he’s been in this wandering, sorry state.]
[It’s that strange and almost uncomfortable sensation of genuine care that’s keeping him on this line. He doesn’t understand it- not coming from Guzma, who hasn’t seemed the type to have any reason to care, and has given him such mixed signals as to whether he does or not. Blue doesn’t know how to react to this other than to keep a safe distance from him emotionally (and physically, now), but he’s been pretty bad at that. Especially when he’s pulling the same crap.]
[There's a rough edge to his tone, a little distant than the rest of what he's said. Cold and sharp, like a blade of ice.
He wonders who Daisy is, but he also doesn't care to ask. Not now, maybe later. Especially when Blue asks that next bit, and Guzma's left wondering the same. He's just a dumb spoiled kid, who clearly has an attitude problem almost as bad as Guzma's. Self-esteem issues too. Like Guzma. Longing turned to hatred for a friend who has seemingly abandoned him... like... Guzma...
There's a spike of aggitation, hot and white through the line, but it's gone just as quickly. Smoldering to something more weak and muted. Something worn down.]
I dunno, kid. Maybe I feel like I get ya. Maybe I thought you'd get me.
[There's a spark of regret as the words go through, and something akin to embarrassment.]
...What? [Blue asks as Killua’s expression draws question marks, then blinks. He didn’t know his name, even? Sheesh.]
[His jaw sets and an uncomfortable look passed over him again. Dangerous, indeed... But telling Killua that he had been in trouble (and he had, hadn’t he?) feels like it would just cause unnecessary trouble. He’d escaped now, right? So he decides not to exactly say anything to that... just yet.]
[Instead he pulls a sour face.] Not hanging out, like I would hang out with a Diglett like him! [The child doth protest]
It wasn’t me. ....I don’t know what happened... and I don’t wanna... [A deeply troubled look passes over Blue’s face once more, the image of the scar fresh in his mind, and he squeezes his eyes shut to shake it away.] —Anyway, I don’t really wanna talk about it.... Since you’re here, I’ll just hang out with you.
[There is definitely, strongly the sense that he doesn’t want to be alone- whether for his safety or otherwise..]
[Killua's expression softens with some concern. not for Guzma, cuz fuck that idiot for real. he's not sure what happened, but Killua decides he doesn't need the details, and he lets it go.]
Sure, okay, [he concedes, adjusting the straps on his backpack. full of, you know, shit he was gonna use to ruin Guzma's life. but it's cool. Blue's right; he doesn't want to get Guzma in his current state... ideally, he shouldn't be home at all. he was gonna just scout and wait.]
[Blue flinches at the sudden iciness, disappointed that Guzma took him for his word. As if he was supposed to know any better... That was always the problem, wasn’t it? He’d pushed and pushed Red away too, flinging barbs at him until he left, when all he wanted was for him to look past them and see the wounds beneath.]
[It hadn’t worked then, either, but he didn’t know any other way.]
[He’s still struggling to find it when Guzma says forget it, and a spike of fear feeds back along the line, Guzma’s painful embarrassment and his honest words trudging up something deep within Blue, his strongest and most hated emotion.]
Wait— [He panicks and blurts across, and it’s hard to stop yourself finishing your sentences when they’re what you’re thinking.] Don’t leave—!
[And now it’s Blue’s turn to be embarrassed and exposed, a deafening silence like the sensation of holding ones’ breath and waiting for the hurt to come.]
Mmm... I guess that's fine. [Not that he had a plan anyway. Blue forces himself to relax and stretches his arms behind his head, glancing a little hesitantly about the forest.]
[He'd been out here long enough now that he knew it pretty well...] Wanna hang out by the lake? You can meet my Pokémon. They're way cooler than his puny bugs. [Sorry Golisopod!!]
[Blue's jaw sets. Even in Viridian, he had a small apartment just to crash at when Gym days went long or he didn't feel like going home to Pallet for whatever reason.... But there, he had a job. He had income. He had skills.]
[Here.... He had nothing. He was a 14 year old, still practically a child, with no marketable skills. When the only thing you knew how to do, the only thing you're good at becomes irrelevant, what then? Rely on the pity of others.]
[And that, he's been much too proud for.]
I don't need to waste my time with that. [He grumbles, but even he knows...]
My Pokémon are too big for the crappy little houses they have here.
[Blue huffs. That was a big part of the reason he hadn't even considered it outright. His poor Pokémon.... Eevee would be fine of course, maybe even Arcanine, if he could get out for walks and runs- but the rest of them needed much more space than Verens could afford them on an easily accessible basis.]
Just cuz you two losers have this big cabin to freeload in cuz that Jill lady pities you or whatever... Your Pokémon aren't even as big as mine. [Or as tough. Or cool. That's implicit.]
[That raw emotion, that fear and the sound of desperation in his voice does indeed halt Guzma. He's almost petty enough to disconnect, leave Blue in his misery. But he doesn't. Despite how irritated he is, he stays put. Evidence of such is the light string of conflicted emotion feeding through. A mix of irritation, and sympathy.]
Make up your mind. Do ya want me around or not? I ain't gonna be playin' this sorta shit. Be up front with me, yo.
[He's struggling, and it comes across, in lurching sickness, in a sensation like bunching muscles in the stomach]
[How does he open up? How, how, how--]
[Opening oneself up meant pain. It meant betrayal, loss, being kicked while he was down. It was having his dreams stolen and being left behind... Why should he want to open himself to all of that again?]
[Because the pain of being alone was, on its own, just as bad?]
[This guy.... who's hurt him again and again, who he has no real reason to trust.... But who more than anyone, Blue can admit, has given him a chance and seen where he's really coming from...]
Why... wouldn't you lemme go before? [He allows to cross the feed- timidly, carefully, but still tinged in a kind of apprehensive fear of letting Guzma inside his guard.]
[(If there was any doubt, he's definitely crying right now)]
Then shack up at the berry farm. In the farmhouse. Or ask Anabel how she deals with her big ones. She has the Johto beasts, I think she'd have good advice.
[he leans over, resting his elbow on the arm of the couch.]
This ain't about us. Don't deflect, y'hear? You gotta stay somewhere an' be safe.
[....Anabel.... That's right, the police chief... Blue has been thinking about where he'll go from here. It's too uncomfortable, in this cabin with these adults that talk like they understand, who try to push and nag him to do this or that when they aren't even responsible people themselves.... They were criminals, for Arceus' sake!]
[Blue's teeth grind, and he jumps up with a stumble, not quite in any condition to be on his own yet but feeling the creep of fear in him that had him primed to flee.]
I don't gotta take this from a crazy like you! [He hisses, because his head hurts too much to shout.] Don't start thinkin' you can tell me what to do!
[This torrent of conflict is. A bit much, and Guzma has to wonder what the fuck happened to this child. He won't pry, it's not his style to, but he can't help but wonder towards darker avenues.
What else did he and Blue have in common? There's a nauseating feeling that comes through the feed, with a deep pang of hurt, that almost seems dull, yet it cuts just as sharp as any scalpel. It's an old pain, and it's somehow obvious in that fact. Like an old scar that's been rubbed raw.]
I didn't want you to leave. Ain't that hard to figure out.
[There's a bluntness to it that seems almost dismissive, and like he might be lying. But, it's true. He was working on forgiving Blue for getting him into trouble with Nanu, and was starting to enjoy having him around in his annoying doting way... and then he got freaked out, and Guzma didn't want him to run away.
It upset something in him. Something he didn't fully get, but he was compelled to stop Blue from ditching him, even if it meant scaring him.]
[he gets up and walks back to the kitchen, opting not to press. it's easy enough to grab some stuff out the fridge to reheat-- a far better meal than the sandwich he'd offered before.]
I'm going to make you something that should help with the headache. After that you can do what you want.
[There's an admission in that, too, even if it's in itself hypocritical. The fear in him slowly begins to subside, although it only evens out into an anxiousness that continues to churn in his stomach.]
...I don't... wanna see people hurt each other... [Or see people being hurt, for that matter, but even the implication of it was enough.] I don't get it... I don't get people here...
[That's not the point, Guzma. But at least Blue seems to be talking more and more, and that settles him a bit. How the hell did they get to this point? He's blaming it on his swimming head and semi-delirium. Even if it's not actually that bad anymore.]
What got me wasn't a person. It was a monster. There's some fucked up people in the world--this one, ours--and I'm one of 'em, but there's no avoiding 'em all. There's gonna be shit you don't wanna see, and there's gonna be times when you can't tear your eyes away regardless. You don't always get what you want, even if it's actually what you really need...
[There's a somberness to his tone, before he adds a little cold and sadly:]
[It's called TRUST and FEELINGS, Guzma. And Blue's not really a fan of them either, but here they are, talking about them.]
[Blue doesn't like what they're talking about now, either, nor does he like hearing what Guzma's saying, even if he knows that's true. His discomfort filters across, but true to form, he doesn't want to acknowledge it. So he doesn't.]
...You said you hunt them, didn't you. When I dropped the Beedrill off with you.
Serves you right. [It's harsh, but he isn't really sorry to say it.]
[And that's all Guzma seems interested in saying about it. He doesn't want to get into the details concerning it. He doesn't want to talk about how he dragged Archie out there, both of them under-prepared, but Archie especially so. He doesn't want to talk about how it possessed Archie, tricked him, and nearly killed him with the knife that was meant for it.
[Blue sends across an impression like a shrug, or a little puff of a huff, and then goes quiet. It isn't the sort of frozen silence of fear and apprehension like before, but rather more like when they sat together in quiet that one night, drunk, but in an understanding.]
[It was... almost comfortable.]
...I... meant to make something to cheer up Golisopod... [He suddenly recalls, an inflection of a frown and a bit of guilt.] I'll do that, and bring it soon...
[Archie's casual, presumptuous announcement only angers him more, but--]
[He's so hungry.]
[Blue glances down at the half of a sandwich still left, stomach rumbling, and frowns angrily. Archie is gone now, so... He could just take the rest, and flee...]
[Or he could wait to get more food....]
[He's mad that he feels he's being coerced into staying, and his pride nearly won't allow him to save face and stay, but he feels so weak.....]
[He marches into the kitchen instead, turning his nose up at Archie again.] You think you're so clever, huh? Fine. Hurry up and cook, I'll take it with me.
[He's not sure what's worse: when Blue was fearful of him when he wasn't trying to scare him, or realizing there's a strange sort of comfortable solidarity he's finding with Blue more and more. It's weird, and almost uncomfortable in its... comfort?
[Killua doesn't have the heart to tell Blue he doesn't give a fuck about Pokémon, of animals in general, really. maybe when Blue's in better spirits and can afford to get into a friendly spat with Killua.]
Okay. The lake sounds nice.
Also... anything's better than his bugs. [Killua scowls a little.] I really don't like bugs. Never have, but there's also kind of a negative association with them, for me.
Fitting for a trainer like that creep to have Pokémon like that.
[hey look at that, Killua's starting to adapt the correct vernacular.]
[Wow wow wowwww!!!! Clearly they can't be friends anymore!!]
Huh, really...? [Blue's not really in the mood to make a big deal of it, or tease about it, but plenty of people back home didn't like Bug types either. He never really minded them.]
[In a weak attempt at solidarity, he adds] I uh. I don't really like Ghost types... --I mean, I'm not scared of them or anything!! [He says that a little too quickly.] It's just I don't have a good experience with them, either.
[After a beat, mostly strolling through the woods in awkward silence, he nervously laughs.] I guess it's a trainer's fault if their Pokémon turn out bad, huh. His Pokémon are surprisingly well-trained for someone like him.......
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